A lament on ghosting

Aby Go
3 min readFeb 18, 2019


We went out on five real and perfect dates involving late night walks and long drives out of the city. It was a situationship that had the potential to blossom into a real relationship if only we played our cards right. But as we were walking home from dinner on our fifth date, we got into a huge argument on how we wanted to spend the rest of the night. Immediately after, he apologized for losing his temper, dropped me home, and kissed me good night.

All was good — or so I thought.

It’s been a little over a week since I last saw him. After three unanswered texts, it dawned on me that I might have been “ghosted.” And, by someone I actually really liked.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “ghosting” happens when someone suddenly ends a relationship without explanation by withdrawing from all communication.

While extremely common and acceptable in the age of online dating, ghosting is still considered the worst possible way to break things off with someone. The ambiguity of ghosting messes with a person’s mind, making a person question the validity of the relationship they had with someone and question themselves. And the lack of closure from never really knowing what prompted the demise of the relationship can also eat one up inside and cause severe anxiety (note: I suffer from severe anxiety).

Did something happen to him? What did I do? Is it really over? Is he going to come back around? Did he meet someone else? It’s like being in purgatory, while actually feeling like you’re in dating hell.

I spent an entire week rationalizing everything. Despite the countless theories I have of what went wrong, I will never really know know what happened — for all we know it might not even be about me. But my god, did I question everything. And regardless of the amount of time I knew him, it still did hurt me.

I thought that one of the perks of dating a 40-year old was that I didn’t have to put up with the childish nonsense of ghosting, zombieing, and benching. I thought he was old enough to know better than to slip out of a “relationship” just like that. But alas, ghosting knows no age limit.

For now, I take comfort in knowing that this might not be the mature relationship I was looking for from someone his age. What…